"The Art of War" TL;DR

Book Information: Douban Reading

"Human Nature's Weakness" is a classic work that explores interpersonal skills, revealing how to better understand, communicate, and interact with others. This article is a concise summary of each chapter of the book, aiming to reveal the core ideas of the book, quickly review and absorb Carnegie's wisdom, and better apply these principles in daily life to establish more harmonious and effective interpersonal relationships. There are many stories in this book, and the stories are used to illustrate its points. If you are not interested in these stories, you can read this TL;DR version to save reading time.

Criticism does not bring any positive results#

We cannot achieve real change by criticizing others. On the contrary, we often encounter resentment. It is important to remember that when dealing with people, we are not dealing with rational beings, but emotional beings driven by self-esteem and self-interest.

Criticism is futile and dangerous. It puts people in a defensive state. When people are rewarded for good behavior rather than punished for bad behavior, they learn faster and retain knowledge more effectively.

Awakening the Desires of Others#

The only way to influence others is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

To persuade others to do something, we must start from their motivations. To do this, we must be able to see things from their perspective while considering our own viewpoints.

Learn to Genuinely Be Interested in People#

When others are interested in us, we become interested in them.

If you want to make friends, you have to actively do things for others - things that require time, energy, selflessness, and thoughtfulness.

The Power of a Smile#

If you want others to have a good time when they see you, you must have a good time when interacting with others.

Actions speak louder than words, and a genuine smile conveys, "I like you, you make me happy." But a fake smile cannot deceive anyone. We know it is mechanical, and we feel angry about it.

Remembering People's Names#

Calling someone by their name is like giving them a very subtle compliment. Conversely, forgetting or misspelling someone's name has the opposite effect, making them feel distant and uninterested.

From waiters to top executives, this name has a magical effect when dealing with others.

The royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things they cherish the most. - Theodore Roosevelt#

Make Others Feel Important#

People want recognition from those they come into contact with. They want to be recognized for their true value. They want to feel indispensable to the world.

But they don't want to hear cheap, insincere flattery - they crave genuine appreciation.

Winning Others' Agreement with Your Ideas#

The only way to gain an advantage in an argument is to avoid it.
Respect others' opinions and never say, "You're wrong."
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Start in a friendly way.
Let the other person express their views immediately.
Let the other person do most of the talking.
Make the other person feel that the idea is theirs.
Honestly try to see things from the other person's perspective.
Show sympathy for the other person's ideas and desires.
Inspire higher motives.
Present your ideas vividly.
Issue a challenge.

You Can't Win an Argument#

The best way to win an argument is to avoid getting involved in one.

If we lose an argument, we lose; if we win an argument, we make the other person feel inferior, hurt their self-esteem, and make them resent us. In other words, we still lose.

Do Not Condemn, Try to Understand#

A fundamental key to successful relationships is to understand that others may be completely wrong, but they don't see it that way.

Put yourself in their shoes. Successful interaction with others depends on sympathetic understanding of their viewpoints.

How to Change Others Without Offending Them#

Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Let others see their mistakes indirectly and subtly.
Talk about your own mistakes before discussing the other person's mistakes.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the other person save face.
Praise every improvement, no matter how small.
Use praise to motivate others to work harder.
Use encouragement to make the other person's mistakes seem easy to correct.
Make the other person happy about the suggestions you make.

Make People Like You#

Treat others sincerely.
Smile.
Remembering a person's name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk about topics that interest the other person.
Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

7 Rules for a Happy Family#

Never nag.
Don't try to change the other person.
Don't blame.
Sincerely praise your loved one.
Pay attention to details and be thoughtful.
Treat each other with respect.
Read a good book about marital intimacy.

How to Get Along with Your Spouse#

For Husbands:#

Do you still occasionally give her a flower? Remember her birthday and anniversary? Surprise her from time to time? Or use gentle and considerate actions to "please" her?
Do you care about her feelings and avoid criticizing her in public?
Besides household expenses, do you give her some pocket money for her own use?
Do you make an effort to understand women's emotions and help her through tiredness, tension, and irritability during her menstrual period?
Do you spend at least half of your leisure time with your wife?
Do you avoid comparing your wife's cooking and housekeeping skills with your mother's or other wives' skills, unless it is to show her strengths?
Do you care about her learning, friendships, social circle, favorite books, and views on social issues?
Do you allow her to have other male dance partners without feeling jealous of their flattery?
Do you find ways to praise and appreciate her?
Are you grateful for the little things she does for you, such as buttoning your clothes, mending your socks, and doing the laundry?

For Wives:#

When your husband is busy with work, do you try not to disturb him? Do you avoid blaming his colleagues or secretary, giving him enough personal space?
Do you make an effort to make the family more interesting and romantic?
Do you frequently change the style of your meals, so that there is always a new surprise for him at the dining table?
Do you understand your husband's work and career and have constructive discussions with him?
When the family faces financial crises, can you face them positively and optimistically without criticizing your husband's mistakes or comparing him to other successful men?
Do you make enough effort and wisdom in maintaining relationships with your mother-in-law and other relatives?
Do you care about your husband's preferences in terms of clothing and style?
Do you make concessions on some issues for the sake of family harmony?
Do you make an effort to learn the sports your husband loves, so that you can spend leisure time together?
Do you pay attention to news, new books, and new trends to align your interests with your husband's?